Non Violent Communication/NVC

My American Libraries Association discussion group on Linked In is having a very interesting conversation about dealing with difficult people.  One person shares:

• Group: American Library Association
• Discussion: Tips for dealing with angry/difficult patrons/co-workers?

Doing emotional paraphrasing (I can hear that you are frustrated, angry, etc.), helps people to feel heard and starts to lower the emotional energy. Expressing that you care and expressing what you are willing to do is also helpful (the phrase, "I am willing to..." is very effective).

Personally, I've found the principles and model of nonviolent communication (NVC) to be invaluable for diffusing emotionally charged situations, as well as being of value generally in my life and relationships. In short, the NVC model is to listen empathically and express honestly using these four principles:
- observations
- feelings
- needs
- requests

When you begin to listen to someone's angry attack as being their emotional reaction to their perception of an unmet need, then you can start to redirect your energy from defense or counterattack to listening and responding to the request (which is often not stated explicitly.) Likewise, if YOU are the one who is upset, you are much more likely to get your needs met by expressing your upset in terms of what you perceived/observed, the feelings that you have in response to that perception, your need, and a specific request (not a demand) for a resolution.

If anyone is interested in more info check out: http://www.cnvc.org/Training/the-nvc-model . I highly recommend the book: http://www.cnvc.org/catalog/nvc_language_for_life

And remember, whoever is saner in the moment takes responsibility for the level of the relationship! :-)


Posted by Peter Bromberg   

 

Changing our image a bit

Who said that we're meek and mild?

RUSQ--Readers Advisory over the next 25 years

Here's an interesting post on the direction of RA

Swiss Army Librarian

This is funny!

I Can Make You Happy?

We have many Self Help books available at my library.

Recently when I checked in a book being returned I thought the title read...

 “Can I Make You Happy?”

 

On second glance I realized it said, “I Can Make You Happy”

My finger had blocked the “I”, which was right on the edge of the cover so I misread it...what a difference

the placement of the "I" makes!  It also changed a question into a statement.

The author is Paul McKenna some of the other books he's written are:

"I Can Make You Thin"

"I Can Make You Sleep"

"I Can Make You Confident"

"I Can Make You Rich"

 

My favorite husband suggested that HE, my hubby, could write a book for me titled,

“I can make you irritated”!   This doesn’t happen very often, but every once in a

while…boom zoom to the moon!

 

I wondered, "What is this guy a miracle worker?"

Turns out he has a PHD and is an international best selling author...

considered as “one of the world's most important modern self-help gurus."

The book is dedicated to his father who he says..."had the gift of making others happy."

(What a super thing to be remembered for.)

Now, what makes this author think HE can make ME happy…. I am basically a happy person,

sure things get me down; but I try not to take things too seriously. I laugh at myself as much

as I can. Try to look at the bright side of life… Let a smile be my umbrella…Keep my sunny

side up…and all that jazz!!!

I checked out the book to see if there were any magical solutions, some of the chapter titles are:

 

The Habits of Happiness

New Routes to Happiness

The Power of Perspective

The Values of Happiness

The Value of Emotions

and the final chapter is

Bringing it All Together

One of the Five Instant Pick-Me-Ups listed is “Happy Posture”, I suppose if you stand up

straight and look alert, you will be happy and everyone around you will be positively influenced.

One of the Magic Habits to get into is “Smile and Laugh” I do this all the time!

There is a Hypnosis CD included; it must be very powerful because it comes with a disclaimer:

Do not use the CD while driving or operating machinery.

Yikes!  That's a bit scary, so be careful if you choose to try it, I didn't.

Whether you choose to just listen to the CD or  just read the book, or do both, the claim is you

will still..."notice an amazing increase of happiness in your life."

 

OR maybe you can just continue on down the road of life, greeting each bump along

the way with a SMILE!!!

So come on in and check out your library's  "Self Help" section if you need it, if not we have plenty

other interesting books, magazines, DVD's, CD's etc for you to check out and enjoy!

posted by The Vest Librarian!

Web tracking

My partner had emailed me an adorable picture of our cuter than cute cat recently.  He noticed that an ad came up for the ASPCA with a picture of a cat.  Needless to say, he was worried.  Coincidence?  Or web tracking???

Here's an article to read on the subject

I don't know.  Maybe we should go back to longhand....and typewriters.  But...let me just post those cute pictures of my cat on Facebook, first.....

Love that Will Manley!

Very funny!

Speed Book Dating

In my linked in American Library Association Discussion group, people are coming up with some great program ideas.  Join in!

Look at this one!

What about "Speed Book Dating"? Everyone brings a favorite book (or two or three in case one of the "dates" has already read what you bring!) I know this has been a hit at some nearby public libraries. I can't find links to any of the local (RI) examples at the moment, but here's one described in the UK for World Book Night!
http://www2.lse.ac.uk/publicEvents/spaceForThought/LiteraryFestival2012/LSESU%20Speed%20Book%20Dating.aspx

or look at this 

difficult patrons -Paul Signorelli, Maurice Coleman

Paul Signorelli •  here are a few interrelated resources from a WebJunction session ("Why Am I So Angry and What Are You Going to Do About It?") that Maurice Coleman and I did:

* slides, with speaker notes, are available at http://paulsignorelli.com/PowerPoints/10-19-2010--Difficult_Patrons%5B1%5D%5B1%5D.ppt. (May take up to 20 or 30 seconds to download because there are quite a few images there.)

* archived recording remains available on the WebJunction site at http://www.webjunction.org/events/webinars/webinar-archives/-/articles/content/107413665

*An article we wrote to support the webinar is also still posted on the WebJunction site at http://www.webjunction.org/interpersonal/-/articles/content/109602848. 

 

BISAC, fabulous slideshow

get ready to be inspired

more on the subject

the human library

The human library where books are people

Yikes!

Not sure what I think about this

I definitely don't like the reference to the "tired public Library"

Well, now that I have made up my mind to attend the Public Library Asssociation Conference in March, I just got a mailing about the 27th Annual Computers in Libraries Conference.  This conference will be happening in Washington, DC and it sounds like a wicked pissa!  However, this librarian will be leaping to Philadelphia and reporting whatever I can there.

Anyone going to the other conference, tell us all about it!

So much to learn! 

Lost in a good book

Everywhere I go, people are head over heels in love with books! 

Happy Birthday, Charles Dickens!

This librarian is leaping one day late to tell you that yesterday was Charles Dickens' birthday!
Lots going on in Lowell!

More about Charlie from BU

Still more from the Washington Post

When I think of Charles Dickens, I think of how glad I am that I am nothing and I mean nothing, nada, like Miss Havisham.  You'll never see me sitting around in an old wedding dress looking at a cobweb covered table.  (Plus, I have a lady help me with the cleaning every two weeks to prevent such atrocities).

In honor of this birthday, let's celebrate!  This is a great time to get that Dickens display going!

Brookline Blogsmith--keeps you leaping

A fine, independent bookstore that keeps the leap in librarians and bibliophiles of all types is the Brookline Booksmith.  Here's a link to their blog! Much fun!

nice slide show on reader's advisory at the circ desk

Nice slide show on readers' advisory at the circ desk

Like Cozy Mysteries?

Great site for all mysteries cozy

Desk Set...it still holds up!

Here is a fine movie about the difficult bridge between technology and the human being....very funny and still relevant today!  A must for all librarians!

The Library Time Travel Conference

I was at an interesting conference recently.  There was a panel featuring Henry David Thoreau, famed naturalist and Walden Pond resident.  William Shakespeare,bard, joined us as did Melville Dewey, inventor and librarian, and Mark Twain, the noted writer and essayist.  The panel also included  50 cent, the noted rapper.  The topic was books, education, and how to present these two topics most effectively.


Moderator:  Henry David, in this era of emerging technologies, how will the book hold up?

Henry David:  "A truly good book teaches me better than how to read it.  I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint.  What I began by reading, I must finish by acting."

Moderator:    William, how do we teach our patrons in this new era of social media?

William Shakespeare:  "'Tis better to be brief than tedious."

Moderator:  Mark, how do we best educate youth in this ever changing world?

Mark Twain:  "I have never let schooling interfere with my education."

Moderator::  Melville, what do you think about the Internet?

Melville Dewey:  The eternal conflict of the good and the best with bad and the worst is on.

Moderator:  50, what do you think about libraries and librarians?

50 Cent:   I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Moderator:  Mark, what should the rule be about checking out kindles and nooks at our libraries?

Mark Twain:  Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.

Moderator:  Henry, what do you think about drive up hold pick up at the library?

Henry David:  A broad margin of leisure is as beautiful in a man's life as in a book.  Haste makes waste, no less in life than in housekeeping.  Keep the time, observe the hours of the universe, not the cars."

Moderator:  50, would you think we should do more musical programming in our libraries?

50 Cent:  Don't much good come from me, but my music is a gift from God, so I'm gonna use it.

Moderator:  Will, what would you say to people who feel that libraries are over, finished?

William S:  'Tis better to be vile than esteemed When not to be receives reproach of being, And the Just Pleasures lost, which is so deemed, Not by our feeling, but by others seeing For why should others' false adulterate eyes Give salutation to my Sportive blood?


Moderator: ????

Melvelle Dewey:  The librarian must be the librarian militant before he can be the librarian triumphant.

Like I say, it was a great conference.  Wish you could have been there!

something to look forward to!

One important librarian tool:  get out of the building!  It could be a walk on your break.  It could be a conference.  Save those pennies.  Seriously!  There is nothing better than exercising the mind and being at a conference, feeling the excitement, honing one's skills, meeting new people. Of course, there are always non library vacations too.

Even with those, you can take a busman's holiday and visit the local library.  Take notes.  Take pictures.  (With permission, of course).  It's really important to keep away from "ruts" by having that something to look forward to.  I am cogitating about some conferences as we speak.

Some day, I will join IFLA and go somewhere exotic.  Maybe not today, though.

http://www.ala.org/
http://www.nelib.org/
  http://www.ctlibraryassociation.org/
 http://www.ifla.org/
  http://rilibraries.org/annual-conference

On the other hand, the Krafty Librarian says that we should expand our conferences...and go to more than just library conferences.

Either way, keep finding that something to look forward to.

If you can't get out of the building, how about a webinar?

Okay, and if the budget is really tight, get a good book and sit on the bench.  Bring a legal pad in case you need to take notes.

By the way, here is an interesting site about libraries and social media.  Look at this while you are thinking about what to do next.

Since it is February, we need to keep the spring in our step!

Patriots lost....all is not lost

Well, for those of you who are Patriots fans, I am so sorry!
And, for anyone who is frustrated at work because something did not go the way that you planned, I offer:
1)  some humor:  Imagine, if you will, doing an entire reader's advisory program on Westerns.....reading Louis L'Amour and Zane Grey...okay, some of you aren't finding that funny....oops, have I stepped on some spurs, here?  It seemed funny to me...
2)  Some wisdom from a book called The Crabby Angels Chronicles

"People don't change" is a terrible affirmation that many people use to try to guide their hearts from yet another disappointment.  But the real pain comes from wanting people to be different than they are and from having expectations for them to meet.  Spiritual maturing is about releasing people to be whoever they are (even Giants fans --my words there) even if you don't approve or like it........

This is your choice today-better or bitter?

The LLL loves that!  So, even if you don't get a winning team, even if you don't think that my joke about westerns is funny, even if you don't get the funding for the extra staff person, or the job that you applied for, or if your car got a flat tire, whatever it is.....

This is your choice today-better or bitter!

How can you bring this to your library life today?

Public Library Association 2012/like your favorite

https://www.facebook.com/pla.org

NPR's take on the future of libraries

Here's an article and a broadcast from NPR, April 2011 on The Future of Libraries

Office Gossip, go ahead, make my day better

It is really difficult sometimes to simply do one's job and to avoid being pulled into the fray.  Here is my advice.  Do one's job and avoid being pulled into the fray.  Why?  Because that is what we are here for.  Why else?  Because you will feel better for doing one's job.  Sure, some gossip is compelling and maybe worh hearing.
One can learn things from getting the pulse of what is being discussed.

However, what are we doing in our libraries?  Why are we here?  We are here to get something great done.

How can we keep ourselves focused and positive?  My experience with certain kinds of gossip is that the energy feels negative.  It feels destructive and unhealthy.  Not a place that this LLL wants to go.

What are your thoughts about office gossip?  I am interested to hear!  

21st Century Library Blog

A blog worth looking at

Don't jump to conclusions!

They should....why can't....This ought to....Whatever it is, and believe me, I have been there.  It may not be true that it ought to be different.  Sure, in my mind it is clear that our library should have certain wonderful, glorious services for the teens who come here after school primed up and full of energy.  We should have an olympic sized pool, a track, a coach, a trampoline.  Seriously, this would help them to use up all of that excess bounce and drive.  Then they could calmly read and/or use the internet.

However, someone would have to build the pool and put in the gymnasium.  Librarians are not trained in the management of these facilities.

Nor should I assume that the teens should simply simmer down when, clearly, they can't.  It seems to me that there should be all kinds of money and facilities for our teens.  They need things to do after school! 

There is no point in my jumping to the conclusion that things should be different then they are.  Or, if I really believe that, then it behooves me to do everything in my power to change that. 

It can be so tricky, working with the teens.  We think that they should understand our point of view.  They think that we should understand theirs.  There are all kinds of studies about the biology of the teens' brains.  Everybody knows that they are hungry after school.  They need snacks.  Also, they are not always best served by the schedule that they are forced to adhere to. 

Sigh.  Maybe I should jump on the trampoline until we get this figured out.

Library thriller!

Have a laugh!  Watch this video!

customer dis-service

The LLL's partner went to the vet the other day to pick up a prescription for our kitty cat.  He was the only customer.  There were two receptionists.  They were deep in conversation about a particular computer program that was not working well.  He waited patiently.  One of them finally noticed that he was there.

"May I help you?"  she said.

As he was explaining, she interrupted him to start talking about the computer program with her fellow receptionist.  Somehow, she did manage to get the prescription, but her conversation continued to focus on the computer problem and she seemed to have forgotten that he was there.
Needless to say, he was not happy.

It is important that we not fall into the habit of forgetting that our valued customers (yes, valued, because without them, what really is the point?) are the whole purpose of our being in the library!  If they feel forgotten or like an annoyance, do you really think that they will speak well of us?  Do you think that they will come back?

Sure, it is annoying when the computer malfunctions, but, computer or no, the customer is the whole point, no?

Let's remember what the point of our library is.  We are here to serve the people who come in and give them a good experience.  Otherwise, they may go somewhere else next time.

inspirational moments/food for thought

They approached the circulation desk with big smiles on their faces.  The woman was checking out three books.  She explained that she and her partner often sit together at home, happily reading. 
"I like to read more than I like to eat!" she explained. 
"Wow!"  I said.  "That is really saying something!"  It behooved me then to confess the truth.  This LLL often likes to read and eat.  It's not mindful, I know.  Don't worry.  I'm careful not to spill anything.
"It's okay," she said.

The intimacy of the conversation with the two happy customers yesterday reminds me that our libraries are places that bring happiness to all sorts of people on all sorts of levels.

Who would have thought that someone would prefer reading a book to eating?  That is truly food for thought!

Of course, this begs the question of food and drink policies in the library.  Times have changed so much.  The ideal, in my opinion, is to have a lovely cafe at the library.  This is, of course, not always possible. The library where I work has come up with a compromise that is working well.  Drinks must be covered.  Food can be eaten within reason.  No eating at the computers. 

One advantage of ebooks that occurs to me is that there is no way to spill food on them!  Of course, if one spills something on the machine, that could be a disaster.

Here's an update on my partner and his kindle fire.  He isn't really taking to it at this time.  He prefers going to the library and browsing for the title that calls his name.  On the other hand, a friend of mine who is recovering from surgery says that her kindle is extremely useful.  She is finding books too heavy to lift right now and the kindle is, to quote the baby bear, "Just right".

I have been watching that old favorite film, "You've Got Mail."  You know, the one with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan?  The superstore bookstore vs. The Shop Around the Corner?  We libraries are a bridge for our users.  We continue to teach and help people to navigate the waves of change that are moving through our culture.  Our role as teacher and navigator is increasing.  We represent the friendly face of the "shop around the corner" and yet we can teach about those items purchased from the superstore (amazon.com) or the new device that the user is struggling to come to terms with.

We are the ones who help people to make wise choices and to put a human face on this ever changing landscape.  I know of one library that turned out to literally be a port in the storm when there was a  power failure in their community.  They opened their doors to their friends and neighbors.